Beatitudes Community

Look ’em In The Eye

It’s something we take for granted every day and it makes a difference for everyone—connecting with people during a conversation, meeting their eyes, making eye contact, and feeling seen. Eyes are one of the best attributes of human expression but eye contact is something we don’t think enough about especially today when it is common for people to break their gaze to check their phone. It’s important to teach children from a young age to look people in the eye when they’re talking to them or they could develop a habit of seeming aloof or disinterested. When you look a person in the eye you convey respect and interest. Eye contact is also important in communicating non-verbally with people with dementia.

In Western countries like the United States, giving those in power eye contact is revered. However, in Eastern countries, eye contact to those in power is viewed as rude and a sign of disrespect. It’s important to recognize these differences, since eye contact can mean many different things depending on the setting and the people locking eyes. Direct eye contact can be very unsettling for people who are shy and introverted as well as those who struggle with autism. I read a powerful article on the harm of withholding eye contact, which says: “For you, it probably happens dozens of times a day, but for people living on the street, eye contact is a rare occurrence. More often, people shuffle by quickly, looking absolutely anywhere but at the invisible person they’ve chosen to ignore. It’s a common behavior, but what’s strange is the number of people who don’t fully realize what they’re doing. Stranger still is the people who think the other person won’t notice they’re being ignored.
Making eye contact with homeless people instead of ignoring them is safe, easy, and costs absolutely nothing. Once you get good, you can even throw in a smile, nod, or friendly wave. It’s amazing how far a simple acknowledgment of another person’s presence can go toward helping that person feel seen rather than invisible and preventing dehumanization. If you only ever do one thing to improve your interactions with the homeless people you meet, let this be it. Surely this is overblown, right?

Well, yes and no. You’re right that there’s little to no harm in one single person ignoring a homeless person trying to interact with them. It may be rude, but it’s not going to make or break anyone’s day. But the thing is, it’s never just one person. You can’t really appreciate the scale of the problem unless you experience it yourself. Imagine a day where none of your coworkers would look at you, your family all ignored you when you tried to speak to them, and even strangers on the street went out of their way to avoid you. How would that feel? Now imagine it happening every day. When you engage with someone, even in the most basic way like making eye contact, you acknowledge your shared humanity.” It is said that eye contact is something which is far more pleasant than words will ever be.

Author Info: Peggy Roberts Verified Senior Staff
Chaplain Peggy Roberts is Vice President of the Spiritual Life Department here at Beatitudes. Peggy was ordained in the Presbyterian Church (USA) and has served in pastoral ministry as well as being a hospice chaplain.

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