The Rev. Brad Munroe, the Executive Presbyter of the local denominational body of which I am a part (part of the Presbyterian church U.S.A), has rewritten the Serenity Prayer for the 21st Century.
God, grant me the
serenity to accept that others
may misunderstand, misinterpret, and misjudge
my motives when hearing the narratives I speak,
the courage to listen with grace, humility, and compassion
for other's motives when hearing the narratives they speak,
and the wisdom to know when to speak and when to listen,
always seeking charity, clarity, and conviction from all.
In a recent article, Brad writes about the Fundamental Attribution Error (FAR) which is a term psychologists use to describe the phenomena of attributing ill motives to others while assuming pure motives for oneself. For example, if someone cuts us off while driving, our first thought might be “What a jerk!” Conversely, consider the last time you were suddenly honked at for drifting into a different lane. You may have had an immediate alibi (e.g. the sun was in my eyes, my kids were distracting me) that explained your behavior based on a situation. You didn't immediately come to the conclusion that you were an inconsiderate or incompetent driver. Because of the Fundamental Attribution Error, we tend to believe that others do bad things because they are bad people. We're inclined to ignore situational factors that might have played a role.
A particularly common example is the self-serving bias, which is the tendency to attribute our successes to ourselves, and our failures to others and the situation. You might have noticed yourself making self-serving attributions at times. How often do we judge others harshly while letting ourselves off the hook at the same time by rationalizing our own unethical behavior? The Fundamental Attribution Error is so pervasive that I guarantee you will see it in action over the next week if you keep your eyes open. If we were to add up how many times the FAR is made in the meetings we attend, the gatherings we go to, the conversations with family and friends, we would likely find reasons why our life together needs an injection of “the courage to listen with grace, humility, and compassion.”
Some helpful remedies and things to consider are: watch out when you make generalizations and don't be too quick to draw conclusions about the character and capabilities of others, assume the good will of the other person, and envision yourself in the shoes of the other person and imagine their challenges. Unquestionably, there are genuine jerks and incompetent people we run across in life. Given our inherent tendency to ascribe negative traits quickly, we will be better off by considering alternate explanations before we jump to conclusions. Those folks that are truly deserving of negative labels will have ample opportunity to validate our suspicions!
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