The movement towards a better way of dying focuses on not only our physical selves (“how can we help you be more comfortable?”) but also our social selves (“what is important to you in the days, weeks, months ahead?”) our emotional selves (“who do you need to talk to? What remains unsaid?”) and our spiritual selves (“what supports you spiritually at this time?”)
I noticed an article the other day, “In Later years, Your House May be Bad For Your Health.” Of course I had to read more. It cited recent results of the first of a five-year study being conducted by Chicago-based Mather Lifeways Institute on Aging and Northwestern University which found that nearly 70% of Life Plan Community (also known as Continuing Care Retirement Community) residents stated that moving into such a community, “somewhat or greatly improved their social wellness.”
We are consistently interested in what distinguishes Beatitudes Campus from other senior living options. What we experience here seems to track with what the study was finding. Including more than 5,000 residents in 80 Life Plan Communities across 29 states, the study survey found that residents of the communities (which typically offer independent living, assisted living, memory care, and skilled nursing in a single location) scored higher across five of six recognized facets of wellness than about 1,000 peer group older adults living in the community at large—including greater emotional, social, physical, intellectual and vocational wellness.
Focusing on just assisted living, a 2018 study of residents in just over 20 communities operated across four states by New Jersey-based Juniper Communities, found that hospitalizations of residents were half that of peer group seniors living at home. Juniper in turn estimated that such reductions are saving Medicare between $4 and $6 million each year and would save between $10 and $15 billion annually if applied across the similar larger population of Medicare beneficiaries.
While both studies are essentially conducted by senior living organizations, they reflect what has been intuitively suggested by not only professionals, but residents within senior communities for years. Specifically, that living within a community setting, with daily access to friends as well as personal health assistance, dining, wellness and social programs, housekeeping, maintenance, and transportation services – may not only improve quality of life for individuals age 75+, but add to it. I hear this from our Ambassadors time and again as they speak to prospects considering Beatitudes Campus as their home.
To be clear, more, longer and larger studies are needed. And there is no industry-wide research indicating all assisted living communities could produce the same health outcomes as Juniper, considered by many to be among the best in the industry. Still, surveys have consistently shown that as high as 90+% of senior housing residents and family members are satisfied with their experience.
Which leads to the question of why approximately 90% of Americans age 75+ are choosing to remain at home. Yes, many are still physically and socially independent, but data suggests more may be able to benefit from the services and care senior living offers than are accessing such communities.
Consider:
Lack of socialization is a major source of depression, with nearly half of women age 75+ living alone. The National Institute of Mental Health has declared depression among older adults a major public health issue.
44% of older adults 75+ report having at least one physical disability that impairs their ability to live independently.
14% of adults age 71+ and 32% of adults age 85+ suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease or related dementia.
Drivers age 80+ have the highest rate of fatal crashes per miles driven of any age group.
More than 34 million Americans are serving as unpaid caregivers for an older adult parent, spouse, other relative, friend or neighbor, the majority of whom are age 75+, for an average of 24 hours per week.
Perhaps the largest factors inhibiting utilization of senior housing are cultural and based on stereotyped perception. In the first case, the current “Silent Generation” of older adults (born during the Great Depression) were raised on the idea of putting a roof over their heads and never giving it up, along with an ingrained responsibility to never be a burden on anyone. In the second case, many older adults continue to assume that a senior living community is a place for “old people” and represents the institutional “nursing homes” of yore – even as the studies above indicate otherwise. Just today, I spoke with a fellow whose mother lives close by in our neighborhood and he remarked how much he knew she would benefit from the “purposeful living” about which we center so much of what we do at Beatitudes. He will be by soon with her to see the campus and I can’t wait to have her experience what so many of you delight in communicating to our visitors – our mission and philosophy of the campus and the effect on superior senior living!
One of the scriptures that is read in the beginning of Lent is about the temptation of Jesus by the devil for forty days in the wilderness. He was tempted with hunger, with power, and the need to prove who he was. Whether or not you believe this actually happened or whether you believe in a hoof and horns Satan or “Tempter” as he is also known, we cannot deny that temptation is very real in our experience of being human. Lent invites us to pay particular attention to our lives and seek self-knowledge. It is in understanding and acknowledging our limitations, our weaknesses, and the urges that have defeated us in the past, that we are better prepared to battle temptations. How do we react when we are struggling with injured pride, a wounded ego, fear of not being appreciated, or anger at being ignored?
One step we can take is to recognize when we are most vulnerable. The mental health and recovery-oriented fields use the acronym HALT which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. When you ask yourself, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired right now?” it makes you stop and think about how you feel before you react to a situation. Each one of these four physical or emotional conditions, if not taken care of, leaves an individual vulnerable for relapse. Relapse for an alcoholic or addict means resumption of using alcohol or drugs to manage the discomfort, but even those of us not suffering from chemical dependency have our own forms of relapse (excessive gambling, eating, shopping, TV watching — to name just a few). Relapse may also show up as falling back into old beliefs about ourselves that result in feelings such as shame or guilt.
There is no getting away from sometimes feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired so the more self- aware we are the better. Hunger, of course, describes the most obvious physical condition of lack of food but hunger can also point toward emotional needs: hunger for attention, for comfort, for understanding, or for companionship. Just as food takes care of our physical hunger, the solution to emotional hunger is community. Anger is a little more complex to understand. The way we express anger often takes destructive forms. We either turn anger against ourselves or against others. Anger can range from criticizing and belittling to name-calling and physical violence. Anger can also be like a repeated tape loop; in that case it’s called resentment. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that a person with resentment towards another pray for the other, that is, imagine all the good in life that we would like to have for ourselves to be bestowed upon the other person. You don’t have to call it prayer; choose a word that works for you.
Next in the HALT acronym is Lonely, which can be a frequent companion for some. It is similar to Hunger in that the solution is the same, namely community. The last of the HALT acronym conditions is Tired. We all have a tendency to ignore tiredness at times. Many of us do not get enough sleep and being tired, overloaded or overwhelmed can affect our well-being. HALT, is a practical tool for everyday living. Thanks to the people in Alcoholics Anonymous, where this acronym initially emerged, for using their experience to benefit us all.
Don’t wait for a bad mood to pass. Lift yourself up with these strategies.
Enjoying nature is a great way to put some pep back in your step. Living near green spaces is associated with better mental health. Even just looking at images of nature scenes can reduce anger, fear, and stress and stimulate the parts of your brain associated with happiness, positivity, and emotional stability.
Spending time in the great outdoors also exposes you to sunlight, which can help your body produce vitamin D. Low levels of the nutrient have been linked to depression, but soaking up even 15 minutes of sun per day can lift your spirits in the present and over the long term.
Think about or write down what you’re thankful for. Even if there’s not time to write down everything, simply expressing gratitude creates an instant mood boost.
For a longer-term lift, Gielan suggests a 21-day gratitude challenge: Try to make thank-you emails, handwritten notes, or genuine compliments a practice for three weeks straight. “Your brain quickly starts to recognize how much social support you have in your life,” she says. And social support is the best proven predictor of happiness.
“As we age, giving back one’s knowledge, wisdom, and experience is a great source of joy,” says Prudence Hall, M.D., founder of The Hall Center in Santa Monica, California. “Whether it’s sharing with grandchildren or the world at large, giving back and being in service is a natural evolution of who we are and brings almost instant belonging and happiness.”
If you’re a lawyer, for example, look for pro bono opportunities in your community. A therapist? See if there’s a health or community center that might need counseling services. Share a physical feat like taking a dance class with a friend, or spend time teaching your grandchildren to read, Dr. Hall suggests. “Become a person who is respectful, awe-inspiring, and loving. What returns to you is respect, inspiration, and love.”
Negative thoughts have a way of spiraling, leading you to contemplate all of the ways a setback is going to bring you down. This detrimental practice is called brooding, and according to a Georgia Institute of Technology study, it sends you into a black hole of negativity.
The better option: self-reflection, or pondering an issue and taking positive steps to address it. This not only leads to feeling empowered, but it also sparks creativity. Why is that a good thing? When researchers at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro contacted people throughout the week, those engaging in creative activities—crafting recipes, making art, or writing—were much more likely to report being happy.
The fastest way to find happiness yourself? “Create it in others,” Gielan says. Being kind rewards the human brain with a release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. Her challenge: “Do one small meaningful act for someone else each week to brighten their day.”
Surprise your spouse with a cup of coffee in the morning, hold the door for the person behind you, or find a book a friend might enjoy. Any small action counts—and comes with big mood-boosting rewards.
Studies find the best way to stay cheerful is to stay centered in the present—even when it’s not all that pleasant. In contrast, a wandering mind and daydreaming can bring people down.
The best way to re-center? Sit quietly for a few minutes, and try some deep, calming breaths. Focus on your breath moving in and out of your body, and gently guide attention back if your mind starts to wander.*
Early on in my ministry, I discovered that most people are uncomfortable with crying. I would not be able to count the number of times that someone has apologised to me for crying. “I’m sorry” they say between sobs, as though their natural reaction to their pain and loss is somehow something wrong, or a display of weakness which should be publically avoided
It wasn’t always the case that tears were seen as a sign of weakness. The bible is full of strong heroes who weep freely and very publicly. One of the greatest biblical heroes, King David, was a famous weeper. He breaks down when his best friend Jonathan is killed in battle, and he is inconsolable when his son Absalom is killed. Upon discovering that their camp had been raided by the enemy, their women and children taken captive, David and his troops “wept until there was no strength left in them to weep.” Lest the reader get the impression that this emotional outburst rendered these men helpless, the bible goes on to describe how David and his men tracked the raiders, resumed battle and returned with their wives and children.
In classical literature, the heroes of Homer’s epics are no less adept at displaying their emotions. The battle-hardened Achilles weeps bitterly when his friend Patroklos is killed, and he also has a tearful outburst when Agamemnon takes his new found love. In turn, Agamemnon’s tears flow freely, when he finally admits his mistake “weeping even as a fountain of dark water, that down over the face of a projecting cliff, poureth its dusky stream.”
Rather than seeing tears, particularly in men, as superficial and weak, these ancient sources imply the opposite. Weeping is an expression of a well-developed interior character. Words are inadequate to express the full depth and range of human feeling. Tears flow when language breaks down. When a dear friend of mine suffered a tragic and untimely death, I found language wholly inadequate to convey the full force of my feelings. To fight my tears would have been both a betrayal to myself as well as to the memory of my friend. Tears are important and necessary. Denying this most human of expressions is not always a sign of strength, but sometimes is quite the opposite. Sometimes it takes bravery to cry.*
