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Tag: happiness

On Keeping Score

Sun, July 29, 2018 Published by

As human beings we love to keep score.  The first question you want to know when you turn on a game already in progress is, “What’s the score?!”  The first important scorekeepers in our lives are our parents.  As we grow up, we are eager to learn how to win their attention, their smiles, their approval.  Teachers may be next as they keep score with report cards.  Coaches teach us to keep score and, later on, it’s our bosses, co workers, or neighbors.  Our educational system is based on test scores, GPAs, AP, ACT and SAT scores. An online magazine recently posted a list of the 50 most beautiful women in the world ranked from 1 to 50. Honestly, I thought that #50 was just as beautiful as #1 but I wonder if the one at the bottom of the list was upset? Unfortunately, our inner sense of worth and well-being is often tied to the scores that we get.

One of the ways we tend to keep score is by comparisons.  My father used to say, “Comparisons are odious” when any of his girls would play the game of comparisons.  Psychologists say people engage in three types of comparing.  They compare their situation to those who are better off—upward comparison.  They compare themselves to those at the same level—lateral comparison.  And they compare themselves to those who are worse off—downward comparison.  Each type carries dangers: the first incites envy, the second competition, and the third arrogance.  If we define our own value and the value of others in terms of the world scoring system we probably will always be unhappy.

How does God keep score? Thankfully, God doesn’t keep score.  Every morning as the sun rises we have a brand new day to live and to love.  Fresh start.  God works with totally different rules and has a different way of accounting.  There’s a passage of scripture where Paul says: “Your attitude should be the same  as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God  something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant.”  Jesus wasn’t somebody who spent his life trying to climb up a ladder even though he was “at the top of the organizational chart of the universe.” Jesus looked like a failure in the world scoring system.  He wasn’t a   success by the standards of efficiency, good management, or outward success and his life ended in what seemed to be a colossal failure.  However, the cross shows us a different way of measuring success, a way that overturns our desire to keep score. Love keeps no record of wrongs.  True happiness starts when there is no need for score keeping anymore.*

6 Ways to Feel Happier Instantly

Thu, July 5, 2018 Published by

Don’t wait for a bad mood to pass. Lift yourself up with these strategies.

  1. Step Outside

Enjoying nature is a great way to put some pep back in your step. Living near green spaces is associated with better mental health. Even just looking at images of nature scenes can reduce anger, fear, and stress and stimulate the parts of your brain associated with happiness, positivity, and emotional stability.

Spending time in the great outdoors also exposes you to sunlight, which can help your body produce vitamin D. Low levels of the nutrient have been linked to depression, but soaking up even 15 minutes of sun per day can lift your spirits in the present and over the long term.

  1. Have an Attitude of Gratitude

Think about or write down what you’re thankful for. Even if there’s not time to write down everything, simply expressing gratitude creates an instant mood boost.

For a longer-term lift, Gielan suggests a 21-day gratitude challenge: Try to make thank-you emails, handwritten notes, or genuine compliments a practice for three weeks straight. “Your brain quickly starts to recognize how much social support you have in your life,” she says. And social support is the best proven predictor of happiness.

  1. Pass on Some Wisdom

“As we age, giving back one’s knowledge, wisdom, and experience is a great source of joy,” says Prudence Hall, M.D., founder of The Hall Center in Santa Monica, California. “Whether it’s sharing with grandchildren or the world at large, giving back and being in service is a natural evolution of who we are and brings almost instant belonging and happiness.”

If you’re a lawyer, for example, look for pro bono opportunities in your community. A therapist? See if there’s a health or community center that might need counseling services. Share a physical feat like taking a dance class with a friend, or spend time teaching your grandchildren to read, Dr. Hall suggests. “Become a person who is respectful, awe-inspiring, and loving. What returns to you is respect, inspiration, and love.”

  1. Think and Act Creatively

Negative thoughts have a way of spiraling, leading you to contemplate all of the ways a setback is going to bring you down. This detrimental practice is called brooding, and according to a Georgia Institute of Technology study, it sends you into a black hole of negativity.

The better option: self-reflection, or pondering an issue and taking positive steps to address it. This not only leads to feeling empowered, but it also sparks creativity. Why is that a good thing? When researchers at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro contacted people throughout the week, those engaging in creative activities—crafting recipes, making art, or writing—were much more likely to report being happy.

  1. Do Something Nice for Someone

The fastest way to find happiness yourself? “Create it in others,” Gielan says. Being kind rewards the human brain with a release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin. Her challenge: “Do one small meaningful act for someone else each week to brighten their day.”

Surprise your spouse with a cup of coffee in the morning, hold the door for the person behind you, or find a book a friend might enjoy. Any small action counts—and comes with big mood-boosting rewards.

  1. Focus on the Here and Now

Studies find the best way to stay cheerful is to stay centered in the present—even when it’s not all that pleasant. In contrast, a wandering mind and daydreaming can bring people down.

The best way to re-center? Sit quietly for a few minutes, and try some deep, calming breaths. Focus on your breath moving in and out of your body, and gently guide attention back if your mind starts to wander.*

Make Life Good

Mon, January 22, 2018 Published by

How’s life?  I hope so very good.  Did you know, though, that just a few years back a national survey discovered that the number of retirees who say their retirement is “very satisfying” has dropped nearly 13% in the last decade and below the 50% level for the first time?  Theories are being generated as to why.  Some suggest it is for financial reasons and more prevalent theories deduce that is comes from the yearning for more and varied activities than is often available to them.

An article from the website MarketWatch has some excellent advice on how to make life good.  Most of you know this all too well, but I wanted to share some of it so as to affirm your excellent instincts.

Stay socially connected.  Keeping up with old friends and making new ones is extremely vital to one’s emotional outlook – your mental health.   New friends often open our minds to new thoughts and new experiences.  There is not a better set up than the Beatitudes community for that.  Consider joining someone you do not know for lunch or dinner, or greeting and talking with a neighbor you have never really spent time with.  Don’t forget the New Neighbor Welcome Coffee every 4th Community Wednesday either.  Meet them right off the bat.

Find things you love to do.  Research shows that the happiest retirees are those who keep themselves busy.  Another researcher and author notes that, “Following your interests and passions can add years to your life, and joy to your golden years.”  Think about those things that have brought you joy over the years of your life and do them again. There probably was never a good reason to stop doing them anyway other than life got too busy.  Beatitudes has nearly 100 groups and activities taking place right now, and if per chance not a one of those is your passion, let us know and we will make it happen and bet others will want to be part of it too.  We will get you the list if the Beatitudes Calendar does not have something calling out to you today.

Plan the use of your time.  Rob Pascale, a psychologist and the co-author of “The Retirement Maze,” cautions that “without adequate planning, you have a lack of structure, and that can make you feel you have little personal control over your life.”  Write out your goals for each day, week or month.  Plan out your participation with a good number of those over 100 groups and activities.

The article concludes with something that all of us know and that is, if we create the expectations for happiness and joy the more likely we will meet or exceed them.

So let’s plan on it. Make life good, beginning today and every day.

Happiness!

Mon, December 11, 2017 Published by

Our friend, Brad Breeding of MyLifeSite recently asked the question in his blog, “what age group of adults would you think is the happiest?”  If most people were to guess, I’d venture to say that they’d assume people in their 20s and 30s are the most content. Why wouldn’t they be, right? They are young and likely healthy; they have their whole life ahead of them, full of potential and exciting events.

If you think young adults have it all, you may be surprised to learn the results of a study conducted out of the University of California-San Diego; the research results were published in The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry.

Happiness comes with maturity

The study’s author, Dr. Dilip Jeste, is a geriatric psychiatrist and the director of the university’s Center on Healthy Aging. He and his team of researchers used a random sampling of 1,546 adults in the San Diego area, age 21 to 99.

The subjects in the study underwent a phone interview with a member of the research team and then completed a lengthy survey assessing their physical, cognitive, and mental health. They were asked about their overall happiness and satisfaction with their life. In addition, they were questioned on their stress levels and any depression or anxiety they were experiencing.

It is often assumed that happiness would form a sort of U-shaped curve over the course of life—high in early adulthood, dropping in middle age, and then ticking back up in late life. But this isn’t what the study found.

The researchers discovered that despite potential health issues and physical decline that are often inherent to the aging process, the older research subjects were actually happier overall than the younger adults. Surprisingly, it was those in their 20s and 30s who were found to have the lowest levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and wellbeing, in addition to the highest levels of depression, anxiety, and stress.

Although the study did not follow the research subjects over time to determine if their responses were just a reflection of that moment in time or a more long-term trend with their mental and physical state, it does suggest that overall, people appear to have improved mental health and be overall happier as they mature and age.

Think about it: In your 20s and 30s, you’ve been released into the “real world,” which can be a difficult transition that includes educational and career pressures, romantic turbulence, trying to keep up with the Joneses, and other “adult stuff” like bills and taxes. It becomes clear why it can indeed be a stressful, anxiety-filled time.

Contrast that to older people. With the wisdom gained over the years, they appear to have more emotional stability, self-awareness, and contentment with their stage in life. They have learned to let more things roll off their back, which results in greater happiness.

But not for all seniors

While this study from the University of California-San Diego is certainly good news when it comes to the overall emotional state of our nation’s older citizens, I don’t mean to suggest that we should assume that all seniors are in their happiest phase of life.

As I’ve blogged about before, there is a “loneliness epidemic” among the elderly, particularly those who live alone, with roughly 40 percent of those seniors saying they often feel isolated—a risk factor that can have a more detrimental impact on health than things like smoking or obesity.

Life Plan Communities/CCRCs can help facilitate happiness

Living alone, in and of itself, does not necessarily translate into loneliness, although it is a contributing factor for many. Likewise, surrounding one’s self with lots of people doesn’t always translate into avoidance of loneliness. Ultimately it is about quality of relationships and other factors. Yet, this opportunity to socialize more frequently, develop new friendships, and stay active are among the benefits of living in a retirement community, such as a continuing care retirement community (CCRC, also called a Life Plan Community). Explore our many opportunities through the Life Long Learning Program, our Resident Council, the Design Studio and the plethora of volunteer settings both on and off campus.  Talk with your building reps or our life enrichment staff and they can always help you plug into some meaningful scenarios!*