Beatitudes Community

The Cookie Thief

A friend of mine was waiting at an airport one night with several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops, bought a bag of cookies and eventually found a place to sit and wait for her flight.

She began reading and was soon engrossed in her book, but happened to see that the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be grabbing a cookie from the bag resting between their two seats. Attempting to avoid making a scene she decided to ignore him.

So, she munched on a couple of the cookies and each time she looked up from her book the gutsy cookie thief was again diminishing her stock! She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, thinking to herself “If I wasn’t so nice, I would blacken his eye.”

With each cookie she took he took one too, until there was only one left. She wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, he took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other, she snatched it from him and thought “oooh, brother! This guy has some nerve! He’s so rude- he didn’t even show any gratitude!!”

She could not remember being so annoyed, and sighed with relief when her flight was called. She thrust her book into her purse and headed to the gate, refusing to look back at the thieving cookie bandit.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, and looked into her purse for her book which was almost completed. As she reached in her purse, she gasped with surprise- there in front of her eyes was an unopened bag of cookies.

She said to herself- “If mine are in here, then the others must have been his.” Too late to apologize, she realized that she was the rude one, the ungrateful one, the thief.

Perspective and hindsight are precious commodities. We can all become so wrapped up in our lives that we forget that there are two sides to every story, and as Aesop’s fable says, ‘every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both before we commit ourselves to either’. Perhaps today we might all take a moment to consider the perspectives of others on our own actions. Perhaps we ought to try looking at ourselves and our actions from someone else’s perspective? Perhaps we owe someone an apology? Perhaps we will be brave enough to do something about it.

Survey Says…

Residents will recall filling out an annual satisfaction survey in years past. This annual questionnaire is typically developed by Holleran, an organization that surveys Life Plan Communities like ours throughout the nation. This year, Beatitudes Campus has developed its own Independent Living resident survey tailored to the unique experiences of our community during the pandemic.

Come to the Quiet

Sometimes we don’t realize how noisy our world is until we escape to a place of quiet.  The Desert Mothers and Fathers believed that silence and quiet prevents us from being suffocated by our wordy and noisy world.  They believed that there is more to silence than not speaking; it is more than the absence of sound.  It is that space we create within, that portable cell, of rest and peace that can stay with us wherever we go.  Madeleine L’Engle wrote a book called A Circle of Quiet in which she described how every so often she needed out—away from all those people she loved most in the world in order to regain a sense of proportion.  Her special place was a small brook in a green glade, a circle of quiet: “I go to the brook because I get out of being, out of the essential.  If I sit for awhile, then my impatience, crossness, frustration, are indeed annihilated, and my sense of humor returns.”

Here on the campus we searched a long time for that circle of quiet, that place to gather thoughts and create that space to help us regain perspective.  Thanks to the inspiration and persistence of some of our residents, we created such a space but it remains yet undiscovered by many.  Irene Cool has helped shepherd the creation of our Quiet Place and I share with you her invitation to visit it.

“Come to the Quiet, Bring Thoughts That You Gather.  This is our Quiet Place at the east-side front of the Life Center and across from Ms. Kimberly’s office. It is there for you and me and all others to go to be still, away and alone or with another. It is there for us to pray, say or simply listen. Our room is there for us to rejoice, to sing, to weep but mostly to just be somewhere and away…from noise, from chatter…a free place to speculate or fret.  Fragrance fills the silence and helps to call on memories and allows our imaginations of happy times and remembrances of comforting places. Soft aromas can calm, purify our souls and heal our bodies.

The fountain of running water, a gentle mantra, assures us of the power of life…a continuum. A great purifier calms our anxieties.  Candles may be seen as a focal point for silence and we can increase our focus and concentration by simple candle gazing…to be mesmerized. The Himalayan salt lamp gives off a soft pink light which brings again the peace of the room to the soul.  So all of you who live here, caregivers and others…when you will sometime want a minute to rest…come to the quiet and find your peace.”

Living with Flexibility

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, internationally known author and speaker in the field of self-development, wrote a book called Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life—Living the Wisdom of the Tao in which he has written essays on the ancient wisdom of Lao-tzu.  The essay on the 22nd verse deals with “Living with Flexibility.”  Dyer says, “Having lived by the ocean for years, I’ve observed the beauty and majesty of the tall palm trees that grow at the water’s edge, often measuring 30 or 40 feet in height.  These stately giants are able to withstand the enormous pressure that hurricane-force winds bring as they blow at speeds up to 200 miles per hour.  Thousands of other trees in the huge storms’ paths are uprooted and destroyed, while the stately palms remain fixed in their rooted selves, proudly holding sway over their otherwise decimated domain.  So what is the palm trees’ secret to staying in one piece?  The answer is flexibility.  They bend almost down to the ground at times, and it’s that very ability that allows them to remain unbroken.”

Living without flexibility in the way we act and see the world leaves us at a disadvantage.  Trying to control everything never works out in the long run.  We all know people who are rigid and set in their ways who cannot bend or budge.  I imagine that each of us have times when we are that way ourselves.  The Tao suggests that nurturing flexibility helps us to withstand the storms of life and remain open to all possibilities.  If you imagine yourself as a tall, stately palm tree—the wisdom of the Tao would say: When criticism comes, listen.  When powerful forces push you in any direction, bow rather than fight, lean rather than break.  When you live from the perspective of being able to say, “I don’t know for certain, but I’m willing to listen,” you become a person whom others identify with because your flexibility lets them see that their point of view is welcome.  Let go of having to win an argument and being right by changing the atmosphere with a statement such as, “I’ve never considered that point of view.  Thank you for sharing your ideas with me.”  In this way you give everyone permission to relax their rigidity because you have no need to prove yourself or make others wrong.  Let us live the wisdom of the Tao by being flexible in the way we act and see the world.

Keeping Older Adults Connected to Community

The word “community” is a tricky term to pin down nowadays. Members of a Facebook group may have never met in real life and consider their digital interactions, wherein they’ve never heard each other’s voice, to have communal components. And residents of a large apartment building might be part of a community, although their only interactions with neighbors are awkward silences in the elevator, or a nod as they pass each other in the hallway. In senior living communities, the term means something very different.

One can think about a retirement community in its most basic form: a roof, four walls and many resident apartments and rooms in various buildings with a lot of furniture. But the people who make up a community make it much more than just a roof over residents’ heads. There are the residents, their families and the employees. As I leaf through some photos from holiday parties at previous communities at which I have served as well as those at Beatitudes Campus, I’m struck by how many employees brought their own children and other loved ones into the communities to celebrate the holidays.

That sort of interconnectedness reflects what Beatitudes Campus is all about: the people. Connectedness is about people. When prospective residents come to visit the campus, the most common things they ask are whether the community is right for them and, if would it be OK if they talk to other residents. We actively encourage prospective residents to get to know the people who live at the campus by sharing a meal, going shopping or just hanging out together over coffee. It’s kind of like dating. You can tell after half an hour or so if the person on the other end of the table, or beside you at the bar, is someone you want to go out with again or hang out with as friends.

Feel the energy of connectedness. In my 25 years working in aging services, I’ve noticed something about senior living communities. You can feel the energy of the community – or the lack thereof – very quickly. Are people active and engaged? I’ve seen enough to know that when that energy and activity are present, it’s very likely due to the cultivating efforts of the senior management and the staff. When they hold this value high, they can facilitate a great energy and sense of interconnectedness. How proud I am to know that is a core value and a daily determined effort by not only our life enrichment department, but of the campus as a whole—staff and residents alike.

The wisdom of staying connected? That interconnectedness not only makes residents feel more comfortable and engaged, it also has tremendous health benefits. When residents were surveyed who are at least 100 years old for the e-book “100 Years of Wisdom: The Perspective of Centenarians,” many of the centenarians cited their marriages and their relationships with family and friends as factors in their longevity. Of course, there were differences; some centenarians felt that abstaining from alcohol and smoking helped them live very long lives, while others swore by the efficacy of their regular whiskeys. But the benefits of communal living and close relationships were a common benefit that was cited frequently.

Most people want to feel a sense of belonging and satisfaction in finding their purpose and meaning. And many residents of senior living communities find that sense of belonging amongst their peers who are all living together within a common context and vision.
As aging takes place, we may find it harder to remove ourselves from our comfort zone. Meeting new people and welcoming them into one’s life can be stressful and difficult even under the best of circumstances. But as people age, they refine and fine-tune their emotional intelligence. In a community where members bring long lives full of wisdom and experience, a lot of great ideas and stories are sure to get shared.

Staying connected doesn’t mean loss of privacy. And, of course, there’s no pressure. Residents have their own living spaces. They can choose to stay in their apartments and read a book, or they can meet a small group of friends in a community room, or invite them over for coffee. They can be as active as they want to be.

As we near the end of another fiscal year here at the campus, I’ve been thinking about how Valen-tine’s Day falls in February. Wouldn’t the day celebrating love and warm connections make more sense in the spring or summer? Irrespective, what is great to know is that no matter what point on the calendar, whatever sort of relationship or friendship residents are looking for, the key is to feel part of a larger community, where they can feel comfortable, safe and appreciated and where, as my friend Rev. Jerry Roseberry often quips, “to have a great third act.”

The View from a Kaleidoscope

When I was a kid one of my favorite toys was the Kaleidoscope—a cardboard tube filled with colored glass, mirrors, and designs, which when you look through it and turn it, it changes into a myriad of beautiful designs and patterns. It makes magic with light and mirrors. The name Kaleidoscope comes from Greek words meaning beautiful, form, and view. Part of what makes a Kaleidoscope so fascinating is that as you turn it, the contents shift and you look at them from a different perspective. You see something you hadn’t seen before. Perspective is one of the strongest powers of the mind and spirit. It can affect our mood, how productive we are, how we tackle obstacles and much more. In times when we struggle to keep life in perspective, it can be helpful to remember that it’s all in how you look at things. Turn the kaleidoscope clockwise and see a wave of geometric shapes and a splash of blues and greens. Twist it the other way and you find yourself staring at a completely different pattern of reds and yellows. The different views represent your life; it’s just a matter of finding the right angle from which to look at it or at least see that everyone’s life holds within it beautiful complexity and some chaos too.
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Another way of keeping life in perspective is to see that our perspective is not the only one. We each see the world from our own perspective given our own background and life experiences. However, it is helpful as we go through life to learn to see the world through other lenses, from other perspectives. Often it takes just a slight shift or turn to begin to see through someone else’s eyes, to see the world in a new light. When we value and respect the uniqueness in people we live and work with, it becomes easier to be less critical and judgmental. We begin to understand and appreciate that the people we’re close to see the world in their own unique way, which may or may not be similar to our own view of the world. This leads to more tolerance and acceptance in relationships and can heal many rifts. Curiosity, respect, an open mind and a generous heart tries to understand life from someone else’s perspective. When you view our Beatitudes Campus as if through a kaleidoscope, you see an amazing array of humanity, richly diverse and beautiful. Each person brings their own unique design and pattern. What a blessing!